Scientists in Michigan collaborated to produce the world's first live "DNA Stir Fry" on Saturday, a labor-intensive project that had been at least four days in the making. The lifelike--but twitchy--creature, named Trick Lagoner, was crafted in order to lead the forthcoming General-Chrysler Corporation.

"While some people believe blending two individuals together is next to impossible, the process of human platform sharing is remarkably simple if you start with DNA from similar creatures," said Dr. Mong Olianbarbeque. "In theory we could have done this using, say, Mark Fields and Billy Ray Cyrus. In this case, however, donors Rick Wagoner and Tom Lasorda proved to be the perfect biological parents. And, they have many common traits: frequent use of sports metaphors, closets of Tommy Bahama shirts, pleated pants, and the ability to maintain optimism in the face of eroding market share. Nothing to it, really."

Insiders say the new Trick Lagoner has some of the best qualities of his biological parents--including a killer hook shot and a bold, football-friendly frame--while he's shed some of the pair's less desirable traits.

"With Trick, I notice he's incapable of overestimating sales projections on inferior products and he tends to develop a rash on his neck when we talk about zero-percent financing," said Iona Ford, a lifelong GM marketing manager. "They really did a great job on him."

Some have questioned why Lagoner was created in the first place, given the number of out of work executives in the marketplace. Those who developed Lagoner say they had little choice.

"Apparently no one wanted the job," said Dr. Olianbarbeque. "Everyone wants to work at Google or Toyota these days. Now we have a solution."